On the up.........

Our house-hunting expedition to the East coast on Friday/Saturday did not bear any fruit. Nice houses in bad places and vice-versa, were the theme of this visit. So its back to the drawing board. Another visit in two weeks time might take us closer to Aberdoom in search of our new love-nest.

Things are a lot better on the cancer front though, (I'm sure its the support you give me!) in fact I'm nearly back to feeling normal, even the lump in the throat seems to have disappeared. My last rant must've done trick to chase this last chemo away. Better make the most of these next few days, chemo#4 is on Thursday, then it'll be back to the shite! Even managed a few miles on the bike today (see picture), my first exercise since December!!!! Might even chance a swift 9 holes tomorrow - easy boy, don't go overdoin' it!
Thanks again for all your words of encouragement, its reassuring to know folks are reading this pish..............

'Now Im not looking for absolution
Forgiveness for the things I do
But before you come to any conclusions
Try walking in my shoes'

Urrrrrghhh!!!!

Its been a horrible week since chemo#3. The hangover kicked in on Saturday night and is still here. Although I didn't get the Bleo-blahs, I still got plenty of other blahs. I feel like I've developed a lump in my chest that is pressing on my throat and giving symptoms of severe indigestion - none of the off the shelf remedies seem to help with this and its now 5 days! I had this symptom after chemo#2 but thought I had strained something after a particularly violent bout of hiccups that I couldn't get rid of (hiccups - it don't get tougher than that!). The usual lethargy is also here and the whole world seems numb at the moment, and everything is grey and threatening - no I'm not in Aberdeen yet! Spent quite a bit of time curled up on the couch with a cushion clutched to my chest. One thing I don't have this time is the chest and stomach pains - small mercies I suppose. Most of my other bodily functions are quite normal this time.

It hasn't just been horrible for me, its been pretty horrible for those around me because I'm extremely irritable at the moment. Everything is a real hassle, even simple tasks seem like an Everest expedition to me and I just don't have the patience anymore. All these big ideas about spending time doing things I wouldn't normally have time for are out of the window - I just can't be arsed, and I'm sooooooooo friggin' bored!!! I wish I could just sleep the whole thing off and wake up in 6 months and it'll all be over. A glass of wine at night gives some momentary respite, in fact I could remain pissed for the next 6 months - that would help, wouldn't it?

As you can probably tell from the tone of this post I'm at a pretty low point and I'm struggling to be my usual positive self. Just trying to tell myself that I've got it easy compared to some in just a few short months it'll all be over, but even a few short months seems like a lifetime away feeling like I do at the moment.

Even though I'm nasty and irritable and horrible and idle, Marie remains a constant and ever loving support. I'd probably die without her ever present care and affection.
My boy Lewis is away to Irvine today to swear the oath of allegiance etc - that'll be him formally joining the British Army REME Corps and will be flying the coup for good in a couple of weeks. I bet he can't wait.

It seems like months since I chopped my hair off to pre-empt it falling out anyway. Its now starting to fall, only the grey ones though!

We've accepted an offer for the house, so we're off house hunting tomorrow - there'll be road rage all the way up the A9.

I look forward to reading your comments and emails everyday, most of the hits on this blog are me checking for comments. I don't usually reply to them but I do read them all and take a lot of support from them, so please keep them coming - good or bad.
Enough whinging for now, later dudes........................

'You know how hard it is for me
To shake the disease
That takes hold of my tongue
In situations like these'

Chemo#3

My list of people I will owe big favours to, once this is all over, just gets longer and longer. Big thanks this time go to Lachy for ferrying me to and from the hospital and also to Moira for the chip butty - Champion!!
Got to Crosshouse for 10am and was immediately threatened by Doc G. with an overnight stay if my bloods weren't up to scratch - bloody hell. A nurse promptly turned up and took more blood and sent them down to the lab for emergency analysis. While this was going on the doctors were discussing my poor blood Neutrifil counts and what could be done to alleviate the problem. They have decided to withhold the Bleomycin from my treatment (that's the 'B' in 'ABVD'). Apparently there is a lot of discussion in the medical world whether this drug has any real influence in the treatment of Hodgkin's and is outweighed by the irreversible damage it can cause to the lungs in a lot of people. This is good news as most of the chemo side effects are caused by the Bleomycin - we in the cancer club call them the 'bleo-blahs' - its an exclusive club, the waiting list is huge!!
We also discussed again the amount of treatment I will be getting, for now it is the full 6 months of chemo but if I (or the company-hint hint) can fund a PET scan in Aberdeen in 2 months time and I'm found to be clear, then I could be back at work several months earlier than expected (the NHS will only fund 1 PET scan per patient and only after all treatment is completed). They also hinted I might get zapped with kryptonite for a few weeks after chemo - doh!
Blood test results came back and I'd just scraped in - woohoo, no overnights for this fat lad.
Into the chemo room, stretched out on the recliner, canular into the left wrist this time, infusion commenced at 1300, all done by 1530. Had an alarming moment half way through the treatment when I felt severe abdominal pains. I then realized my belly was being sliced in two by the waist band on my pants - I wouldn't be normally bothered but they're my biggest pair!! What a fat twat. Must stop this weight gain before I end up like Mr Creosote or worse still TFTF - the laughing stock of the offshore industry. Back home on the 1800 ferry.
Gan Canny
'Just when I thought I could not be stopped
When my chance came to be king
The ghosts of my life
Blew wilder than the wind'

'A right kerfuffle'

I've had more jabs these last few days than Iron Mike had in his whole career, and all to no avail. My Monday blood test count was zero (remember it needs to be above 1 before I can get the chemo). Neupogen jab on Tuesday gave me the usual arse jip with the aching bones but Wednesdays blood test revealed my bloods have only come up to 0.3. So instead of chemo tomorrow, its a trip back to the quacks for more Neupogen then hopefully chemo on Friday. Might be a blessing in disguise as tomorrows forecast is horrendous, might get stuck over there, that's if I get off of course! I knew my counts would be low as my throat was sore and my gums swollen and sore also. The doc had a look and said they weren't too bad and that there was 'no puss yet'. No puss yet!!! I should friggin hope not!!
So with my immune system on the floor and a mooth like a Mongolian wrestler's jock strap, there'll be no Valentines day rumpy pumpy for this bad boy!
Had some house viewers today, they all seemed well impressed. Big advert going in the Banner this weekend, we'll see what interest this brings, might be sold up before we know it. Hopefully we'll be viewing houses ourselves next week, chemo effects permitting.

This week, I will be mostly getting pricked!

A cracking week in store for me, starting off with a claret sample on Monday followed by Neupogen injection on Tuesday, another claret sample on Wedneday then chemo#3 on Thursday - fandabidozee!!!
Will this torture ever end.............................

Who ate all the pies............................me!!

Now a week since chemo#2 and nowt much to report. Although I have been pretty sickly all week but not quite as bad as chemo#1 and not too much couch hogging either! However, the side effects are as expected, similar to chemo#1, with the usual cannon balls (thankfully, still no ceramics), fatigue and just feeling blah (its the only way I can describe this horrible feeling). The trouser trumpet has calmed down and the dogs are out of hiding. What is worse this time is my taste is all to hell (no, I'm not wearing flares and kipper ties), what I mean is my taste buds are numb, everything tastes weird, even water! It hasn't kept my snout out of the trough, quite the opposite. The steroids I'm on to lessen the chemo side effects make you absolutely ravenous - even when you feel sick?? Not good news for us fatboy's as I put weight on by thinking about food, so as you can imagine I'm gaining by the day. I've put a stone on since December. I think this is partially due to my none exercise regime at the moment, I'm just too knackered to do anything! Anyhoo, gotta go, time for tea.
Please leave your 'fatty' and 'baldy' comments below. Thank You.

We're selling up!

The events of last weeks chemo delays, burdening friends with lifts and stop-overs etc. that we have decided with great regret to move across the water to the mainland. There are several reasons for this, not least the ones above. Another 4-6 months of chemo, the possibility of several weeks of daily radiotherapy, regular hospital appointments and CT scans for the next 10 years - initially every 3 months.
We intend to move nearer to my work in Aberdeen so I can at least spend time in the office during my better chemo days and hopefully be of some use!
Fear not dear Corrie reader, we will regularly call back to see the great friends and neighbours we have made over the past 6 years - has it really been that long?

I've made another blog as a sort of 'flyer' for the house sale. I will probably make it a bit more official (estate agents etc.) in the coming week. Have a look, let me know what you think and spread the word - Kennetwell is For Sale.
Went to the two island estate agents to see what their selling fees are...............1.5%, hahahahaha cheecky b*******s!! That could be up to 6 grand for putting a photo in the window, I can't stop laughin'.

Chemo #2

Up to Crosshouse for 9am, and on the ward to surrender more claret. Good news this time, count was 1.7, bring that chemo on baby!
Canularised in my right wrist this time, infusion began at 11:50 and was completed by 15:00. No real nausea to speak of, so no puking in my lap and no vein burning either. Got this Chemo cracked man!
Picked up by Frank and delivered to the harbour in time for the 18:00. Don't know how I'm to repay these favours, cheers lads and lasses, everything is so appreciated.
Back home now, typing this up. Chemo is just starting to kick in, felling a bit 'Blah'! Looks like a early night.
Nighty night yaw'll......................

Pelvis has left the building......

This entry should have been entitled Chemo #2 but certain anomalies have conspired to delay the chemo by atleast 1 day. Gave a pre-chemo blood test on Tuesday, the result on Wednsday indicated that I was borderline Chemo as my blood count was 0.9. They will only administer when the count is above 1.0. They said I should turn up as usual for my chemo on Thursday as the count would probably be OK by then. Thursday came and I was once again whisked up to Crosshouse by my brother David who was making his way back to the North East after a couple of days in the island. Once on the ward I gave more blood to check the counts. The results were not good. Blood count was still falling and now down to 0.5. They would give me a jab of Neupogen (White cell growth factor) to accelarate cell production and keep me in overnight so I wouldn't have to travel back to Arran then back again on Friday. However, Neil volunteered to put me up for the night and I was soon picked up and given a whirl-wind tour of Irvine (I'm still tempted matey! - heh-heh). A bit of TV and some Big Brain Academy on the Nintendo DS (I'm gonna get one) then I was ready for my scratcher.

I was awoken at 3am by the most horrendous pain in the arse. No, not Neil wanting some company as he's still coming off nighshift and not satans cannonball either, trying to make an impromptu exit. The Neupogen had kicked in big time and the marrow in my pelvis was working the late shift producing millions of white blood cells. My bones were actually swelling and my Pelvis felt like it might explode. (Stop me if think I'm going overboard with the agony). Felt like I had my arse booted several times around the block by a pair of size 12's! On a scale of 1 to10 (10 being 'please kill me now'), I'd say it was a good 7, with lightening bolts of 10 shooting up my spine every few seconds which made me twitch - deep joy. So I lay there with a face contorted like an RPE chewing a wasp and twitching like a tiffie holding 24 Volts!! No matter how I lay, the pain seemed to get worse, I suffered for an hour before getting up to surf the kitchen for pain killers. Two paracetamol did the trick and the pain had all but gone within 30 minutes. A couple more hours of kip then back up to Crosshouse for more blood tests and hopefully Chemo #2.