Its been a horrible week since chemo#3. The hangover kicked in on Saturday night and is still here. Although I didn't get the Bleo-blahs, I still got plenty of other blahs. I feel like I've developed a lump in my chest that is pressing on my throat and giving symptoms of severe indigestion - none of the off the shelf remedies seem to help with this and its now 5 days! I had this symptom after chemo#2 but thought I had strained something after a particularly violent bout of hiccups that I couldn't get rid of (hiccups - it don't get tougher than that!). The usual lethargy is also here and the whole world seems numb at the moment, and everything is grey and threatening - no I'm not in Aberdeen yet! Spent quite a bit of time curled up on the couch with a cushion clutched to my chest. One thing I don't have this time is the chest and stomach pains - small mercies I suppose. Most of my other bodily functions are quite normal this time.It hasn't just been horrible for me, its been pretty horrible for those around me because I'm extremely irritable at the moment. Everything is a real hassle, even simple tasks seem like an Everest expedition to me and I just don't have the patience anymore. All these big ideas about spending time doing things I wouldn't normally have time for are out of the window - I just can't be arsed, and I'm sooooooooo friggin' bored!!! I wish I could just sleep the whole thing off and wake up in 6 months and it'll all be over. A glass of wine at night gives some momentary respite, in fact I could remain pissed for the next 6 months - that would help, wouldn't it?
As you can probably tell from the tone of this post I'm at a pretty low point and I'm struggling to be my usual positive self. Just trying to tell myself that I've got it easy compared to some in just a few short months it'll all be over, but even a few short months seems like a lifetime away feeling like I do at the moment.
Even though I'm nasty and irritable and horrible and idle, Marie remains a constant and ever loving support. I'd probably die without her ever present care and affection.
My boy Lewis is away to Irvine today to swear the oath of allegiance etc - that'll be him formally joining the British Army REME Corps and will be flying the coup for good in a couple of weeks. I bet he can't wait.
It seems like months since I chopped my hair off to pre-empt it falling out anyway. Its now starting to fall, only the grey ones though!
We've accepted an offer for the house, so we're off house hunting tomorrow - there'll be road rage all the way up the A9.
I look forward to reading your comments and emails everyday, most of the hits on this blog are me checking for comments. I don't usually reply to them but I do read them all and take a lot of support from them, so please keep them coming - good or bad.
Enough whinging for now, later dudes........................
'You know how hard it is for me
To shake the disease
That takes hold of my tongue
In situations like these'
16 comments:
Sounds very much like the day 10 symptoms of an offshore trip .... perhaps a little worse though eh?
You must get Iron man Shack to give you some words on his recent control room experiences ... a small wind-up which he took hook, line and sinker! All based on him saying he likes to keep his profile low ... which resulted in him being required to attend a ficticious conference call with 'experts' from around the world. All other persons were unavailable so it was down to Shack to explain all about the process. Needless to say he was a touch worried and was perhaps a little relieved when he was let off the hook .... although he didn't speak to Robbo, Bob, Graham or myself with any civility for a few days. Keep the blogg entries coming mate as they are a pretty good trigger for getting some comments back to you.
Don't let this bastard grind you down.
Neil R
Keep the chin up big yin. Thats great news about the house, although I'll be sorry to see you leave Ayrshire. The Wine club on the train won't be quite the same mate without the table clothes and banter.
I think old Barney Rubble must have left his favourite cook books out here as the food doesn't seem to have changed much since the new camp boss started. Doesn't effect me as I live on Lucozade sport and cereal bars being an "athlete" as you know HA HA!!.
Good luck with the House Hunting. Make sure theres plenty of room for the troops to crash when the flights are delayed.
Your doing well mate, sorry to hear your not your usual self. Stick it out mate, not long to go. Good luck house hunting. Big Kev
Keep the heed up dude. Good to see your moving up here, another golf buddy when your up to it. U going to buy a house in Newtonhill it dont get much better than here min.
Laters
Govie
Shake The Disease, great song by a great band. Cheesy as I know this sounds, you are a great person and will absolutely shake the disease, come on, you are a strong fella with an even stronger will power. Love you bro, wish I could give you my usual bear hug but I'm too far away. In our thoughts always, David, Helen n Cerys (who mentions your name at least 10 times a day, seriously, she loves you!) xxxx
Brother Daz!
I am sorry you have to go through this and by the sounds of it you are not doing to well.... like you said you have marie and she has you even though you are going bonkers with boredom and not feeling like doing anything, take solice in the fact that you are not alone no matter what life throws at you!
You will get through this even though I can't imagine how you feel and i know it must be hell or high water all the do da day!
Try and take plenty of hot baths and get some reading done! Read all the books you never got around too it helps me when I am down! I have plenty of WWII books i can send you if you want them I know you like good battle story!
Check out www.11thpanzer.com and look at my dodgy pictures of me and the lads doing WWII manouvers! I will send you a care package of Yank stuff to keep you smiling ! Also if you really want a riviting read I can send you Cisco Unified Wireless 4.1 or you could just beat your bollocks in with a cricket bat!
other than that I wil get a package together for you over the weekend and maybe a framed picture of my Bassets bollocks for your desk!
Remember I love you mate and we are all rooting for you over here! I could send you some IHOPS pancakes but I fear they will some what lose thier shape and taste somewhat en'Route!
Look forward to reading some what better news from you soon.
love always-
Daft Shite!
Hi Darren,
The symptoms you describe remind me of how I felt the day after Marie's 40th, - although my bodily functions weren't quite as well behaved..!!
Seriously though, hope you feel better soon,- and we're thinking of you.
Julia, Ken and Sophie
x
Hang in there pal. It will get better.
Anyway, when is, or was your brother on Master chef? Let us know.
Bob
I thought it was bad training up 'ruthless', but now its the 'call me an iron man'!!! Give me some sympathy!!
And remember - 'plenty of ziggies'
Bob
Daz,
Do you remember a song by D-Ream we were singing whilst training in the Gym, sing it and believe it mate!!!Corny it may sound but it works.
Ive been suscepatable (if Ive spelt it right)for a few wind ups recently all by your best mate Rogerson the Rat!!!and his furry friends so he who laughs last laughs the loudest..
Gym Gear all installed some good some bad, overall big improvement!
Good news on the house front though when u moving accross??
Keep ur blog going
Speak to you soon
Shack
Hi Daz
Keep ya chins up.
Love ya lots like jelly tots.
From Polly Olley
Hurry up and come back, 'King Rat' is threatening to make me a PC in the shutdown now!!! We need you here to control him. He's going power mad!!! Helllllpppppp!!!
Dude
The wife said she wants to see you in your pixy boots and the Dave Von Day outfit. So try and keep the hair and glue it back in if need be…. Remember you only need to keep your chin down for playing golf!!!! Your doing great mate just keep positive and believing. Looking forward to seeing you and Marie again.
All the best from the Robson’s (Kez sends a kiss, I’m not that type of guy!!!!)
Well I'm two days late for the comments board, but that's because I'm knee high in pee and solid matter...Yes pee and poo. Not mine of course. The lovely Cerys is potty training and I'm just trying to be patient(shall we say). It feels like I'm in the 'egg and spoon race at school sports day and the egg just won't stay on the f++king wooden spoon... ARrrrh. It's a good job she making me laugh still less l'd send her over to you lot.
I can't get my head around her pumping really loud this morning and saying 'Is it Darren?'. She def. a Hall in homour and manors.
Take Care Darren. I guess you just hang in there and hope tomorrow is a better day. Let us know if it is and how other things are going. We are always thinking of you. x Helen.
Sorry to hear you're feeling down Darren. Keep fighting, tomorrow is another day and hopefully a much better one. We're all thinking of you.
Lots of love and support
Joanne and the rest of the Coynies
xxxx
Soz to be leaving comment late but we've just got back from Edinburgh. Think you're doing great, you're bound to feel down sometimes. Just remember that we all are thinking of you and hope that you are back to your normal self in no time. Keep strong and most of all keep your sense of humour.
All our love,
Elaine, Michael, Devon and Kyra xxxx
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