Sssssssmokin'.............

There are occasions in life when you encounter things that make you say 'you don't see that everyday', today was one of those days!
Another trip abroad, this time to a new hospital for me, The Beatson Oncology Centre - Glasgow, for pre-radiotherapy shenanigans. Left Arran on the first ferry, arrived at Beatson 1045 - traffic was horrendous! Hung around the waiting room for an hour before being summoned into the 'Mold Room'. Here I was to have a mask custom fitted to my turnip for what I mistakenly thought was to protect my head from the X-rays, not so, it is purely to keep my head and neck rigid while being zapped. After stripping down in front of several onlookers I climbed aboard a CT scan type bed which had a neck support at one end. They made several attempts to raise the bed with the electric jack but my gargantuan weight was too much for the feeble motor and I had to get off the bed while they raised it to the correct height. The onlookers, now five in number, eyed me with fattist distaste for nearly breaking their machine while I tried to hide my threpenny bits and ample gut, it was like trying to juggle jelly - I wasn't embarrassed at all......not! Back on the bed they showed me a large sheet of thick plastic which had clips around three sides and a small hole in the middle - this would eventually be my mask. The sheet was heated in water then stretched over my face, neck and shoulders then clipped to the bed. Then, what felt like a dozen hands pressed the flaccid plastic into every nook and cranny, eventually molding into the shape of my face. After cooling, the now rigid mask was un-clipped and removed, I got dressed and returned to the waiting room. This was one of those moments in life, the whole experience was just bizarre!

Later I was summoned to the CT scan room where I once again 'got me tits oot', had the new mask fitted and a full CT scan then ensued. This allowed them to pinpoint the tumour sites and mark them onto the mask for targeting the radiotherapy machine. All done, I was again dressed and shown to a side room to see the consultant.
Dr F explained the radiotherapy process and told me I was getting a larger field of therapy than I was expecting. She also explained the side effects I would probably get:
Severly sore throat after about two weeks - may not be able to eat for a week or more - woohoo!!!
Loss of salivary gland function - may be permanent
Loss of thyroid gland function - may be permanent
Loss of facial hair on one side - for several months
Loss of chest hair - I knew that Hasselhoff chest wig would come in handy
Stop me if its getting boring.........
Loss of hair on the back of my head - what the hell's that gonna look like - Frair Friggin' Tuck!!!
The only good news out of this is that I am getting only three weeks of therapy and will be complete before our house move.
With all that good news ringing in my ears, I was soon on my way back to Ardrossan for the 1515 ferry.

Big thanks this time to NACC (North Ayrshire Cancer Care) for the taxi duties. NACC are a voluntary organisation who's main role is to provide transport for cancer patients around North Ayrshire. They exist purely on public donations and income from a few charity shops they operate and have about forty volunteer drivers - Jim, many thanks.

I might be out of the woods, but there's still a few trees to negotiate.