'Its one of those 70's neck lumps???'

That's me on the right, my boy Lewis on the left, taken last year somewhere in California.

About 10 weeks ago I discovered a painful lump on the side of my neck - about the size of a pea. Nothing remarkable there, I'm always finding lumps here and there as I'm prone to sebaceous cysts and have many around my body. The lump which has caused most hassle during the last 15 or so years is right on my right kneecap - it's like kneeling on a marble so I try to keep off it. Although it has been removed on two separate occasions it still remains, coming back like a Rocky sequel!
Back to the lump on my neck. I've ignored it for a couple of months but though it was time to let the Doc know as I found a few smaller lumps just below the collar bone. Reading the Internet about lumps just opened a huge can of possibilities - none of them good.
So it was off to Corrie surgery on Tuesday 5th December to see the doc. The Doc had a good feel of the original lump and also confirmed the existence of additional lumps below the collar bone. His initial diagnosis being swollen lymph nodes. He would make a further appointment for me to have blood taken for testing and a chest x-ray before the end of the week and would also try to squeeze me in to see the surgeon on Friday - he day-trips from the mainland on Fridays only.

Surely enough, I was called to Lamlash hospital on Thursday to spend an uneventful 10 minutes in the X-ray theatre.

Friday came and I was summoned to Brodick surgery to surrender blood, the doc took 5 or 6 samples before sending me on my way to Lamlash hospital for the first appointment with the surgeon - Dr Diament. Bang on time the surgeon turned and wasted no time in stripping my shirt off and had me sitting there with my tits oot for all to see, my ample gut hanging over my overly-tight jeans. Soon after I was on my back, trousers around my ankles and family jewels on full display as the doc kneaded my groin area.
The upshot of all this was swollen lymph nodes between my ear and collar bone down my left side and further swollen lymph nodes down the left side of my groin.
The doc didn't beat around the bush, he said there was every chance that there may be something seriously wrong with me - meaning tumors, leukemia, Hodgkin's etc. Although on the bright side chest x-ray showed no swollen nodes around my heart - whatever that means! Plus I looked fine to him and showed no signs of illness. The only real way to diagnose the problem would be to remove the neck lump for analysis which would be done under general anaesthetic, but even worse, would have to be carried out on the mainland................bollox!!!! The doc said I might not be at work for a while, at least until the diagnosis is complete. Rang Neil from work to put him in the picture - very supportive, cheers mate. Feel a bit guilty though, should be offshore for Christmas and New Year, feels like I'm 'pulling a flanker'.

Got a call from the surgeon today, I have to attend Crosshouse hospital on Wednesday at 11:30 to see Mr Dempster - there is a chance the lump can be biopsied without a general anaesthetic. Living on Arran is not without its problems and getting to the hospital may prove difficult, with Calmac just looking for excuses to cancel the ferry and the forecast for Wednesday not looking too healthy, we shall see.

The swelling in my neck seems more prominent today and I found a small lump on the right side now and have a constant feeling of salivating - a bit like when your 'curry' gland goes when your hungry and you get a whiff of onion badgie!! Haven't told Marie about my latest lump, no point in worrying everyone else.

Anyway, this is the reason for this blog, to document any potential illness. Hopefully the problem will turn out to be nowt and the blog will only run to a page or two and be the shortest, most boring blog on the net or is a long winded doom and gloom affair where potential sufferers can can visit and hopefully read in real time what will become of them. I quite fancy the short boring version!!